Feeling Like I Failed
Posted on March 12, 2013
So I have a confession. Remember when I posted not one but two blog posts about overcoming Writer’s Block? While I will not dispute that they have some good pointers in them, I have to tell you the truth. I walked myself back into that jail cell and closed the door again. Hi, my name is Jenn. And I failed to keep writing.
It’s not that the ideas went away. This time around, I’m good to go with the ideas. But every time I sit down to add more to the story, I end up doing something else. Here is a list of things that I allow to distract me: Facebook, email, blog posts about writing, blog posts about publishing, catching up on old British sitcoms like The IT Crowd, season 2 of Game of Thrones, catching up with The Walking Dead, and finishing reading Y: The Last Man series. Oh, and more Facebook.
I’ve read online where a lot of people disable their internet, and I completely understand the notion. A lot of times, my writing brain meanders to researching something online. And then it meanders right on over to innocently checking my Facebook updates. In no time, an hour is gone. I can’t tell you how many days since I wrote those two blog posts that midnight has hit and I think, “Oh well, guess I’ll really write something tomorrow.”
Some good friends have been kind enough to ask me what’s wrong. And I articulate point one that bugs me about my WIP – narrative POV. I know who I’d like to sound like when writing, but I just can’t seem to find my own groove. I’ve written about 5 different possibilities, and none of them make me happy. Point two that bugs me is that I can’t seem to completely throw off the shroud of perfectionism. I know I will have to rewrite everything, and yet I fall under the notion of wanting to get it right the first time. This results in a self-defeating loop of no writing.
I swear they could make a game of trying to write a novel (I’m envisioning an old-school 8-bit version). No matter what non-writers think, it is hard work! I’m not sure how many other jobs out there force you to come face to face with your inner demons on such a regular basis. I go through a gamut of emotions every day from self-loathing to jealousy when in my fit of checking the Books section of The Huffington Post, I see a review of a debut author’s work.
I’d like to be writing something prolific and positive here on my blog about what I’m discovering while writing. Makes me sound more professional. But the truth is, I’m struggling. I know I can’t be the only one out there. So I’m here at the edge of the online void telling my truth and hoping that others out there will know you are not alone. And maybe…just maybe…we’ll encourage each other to get off the merry-go-round of locking ourselves in Writer’s Block jail and get back to writing in earnest.